Reality's Broken...Buy Immortality!

SOLD OUT FOR 2023!!

We will announce when we find a fresh batch of 'refurbished' politician souless-souls.

- Tired of people rubbing success in your face?

- Can't seem to get the last word?

- Mother-in-law still calling you a loser?

- People knocking you 'cause you're homeschooled?

WELL I GOT YER BACK!

Hello, my name is Death. Maybe you've heard of me. When I'm not helping mortals onto their next form of existence, I'm the Executive Marketing Director for BuyImmortality.com. Look, I know it's hard to associate with stupid people. But like my good friend Chuck always says, "You can't fix stupid." Which means losing your temper and clubbing your neighbor when no one's looking, or trying to clip them with the minivan is equally stupid. Don't get mad--get EVEN! You need shock 'n awe!! Noooo, not by tasering someone, silly, (though that CAN be some semi-fatal fun)...I'm talking about slapping people in the face with your new-found IMMORTALITY!!

THINK ABOUT IT

How many people do YOU know, who can say "I inspired a famous character in a fantasy series!"

Not many, I'd wager. Which means the next time some Tom, Dick, or Beuford tries to make you look inferior in front of Brenda over at the Hot Wax Car Wash, you can smile and say...

"Did you know I'm revered across two continents and have a shrine built in my honor?"

HAHAHA! Come back from THAT Mr. Khaki Shorts!! BOOyah!

Here's the Pitch:

For just a few coin, you could live forever...but for a few MORE you could own a tavern, become a hero, a legend, or grab hold of the ultimate bragging rights...and have your character in a publication. Don't wait too long. I could only transfer a handful of souls, so spots are limited.

REMEMBER: Reality's broken...BuyImmortality.com

"Like it? Still with me? Then check out the side panel and see what I've got for YOU!"
— Death

LIVE FOREVER!

DETAILS

You get:

• Get a custom black and white drawing of your character • Linked into the complex world of Wanted Hero • A unique and clever background created • Your REAL name displayed with your picture (if you want) • A 'DID YOU KNOW?' section that talks about how you inspired the character people are reading about! • Link to your Facebook profile for bragging rights (you're welcome).

OWN A TAVERN!

DETAILS

You get: • Get a custom black and white drawing of your character + drawings of your tavern AND a map created of your establishment • Both your character AND tavern map linked into the complex world of Wanted Hero • A unique and clever background created • Your REAL name displayed with your picture (if you want) • A 'DID YOU KNOW?' section that talks about how you inspired the character people are reading about! • Link to your Facebook profile for bragging rights (you're welcome).

BE A VILLAIN!

DETAILS

You get: • Get a custom COLOR drawing of your character + extra art for article • Linked into the complex world of Wanted Hero (if you're evil enough, multiple times!) • A unique and clever background created including at least one event that displays your evil-ness • Your REAL name displayed with your picture (if you want) • A 'DID YOU KNOW?' section that talks about how you inspired the character people are reading about! • Link to your Facebook profile for bragging rights (you're welcome).

BE A HERO!

DETAILS

You get: • Get a custom COLOR drawing of your character + extra art for article • Linked into the complex world of Wanted Hero multiple times! • A unique and clever background created including at least two event that displays your heroic deeds!! • Your REAL name displayed with your picture (if you want) • A 'DID YOU KNOW?' section that talks about how you inspired the character people are reading about! • Link to your Facebook profile for bragging rights (you're welcome).

BECOME A LEGEND!

DETAILS

You get: • Get a custom COLOR drawing of your character + extra art for article • Linked into the complex world of Wanted Hero multiple times, including at least one event in the world timeline! • A unique and clever background created including a section of EPIC LORE about you (oooOOOOOoooOooo)!! • Your REAL name displayed with your picture (if you want) • A 'DID YOU KNOW?' section that talks about how you inspired the character people are reading about! • Link to your Facebook profile for bragging rights (you're welcome).

Here are a few examples:

Cane

Character | Nov 19, 2022

Considered the voice of reason among the Nethinim, Cane is a master of the environment.

Isaac Inkwell

Character | Feb 6, 2022

Famous cartographer. Fled Clockworks to pursue his non-conventional skills.

Hagen of Morgundö

Generic article | Aug 2, 2021

A member of the Nethinim and wielder of the battleaxe, Suhääva [sue-HAH-vay].

Green Luckyfeller

Character | Feb 8, 2021

Famous gnome bard.

Iljänä

Character | Feb 14, 2024

Though the world would seek to convert or destroy her, history would record that the heart of an Evolu is not easily beset…or changed.

Knobel Rowe

Character | Feb 6, 2022

Frequently Asked Questions

Why ARE you offering Immortality?

Good Question. There are two reasons--the first being, I've become bored with the simple ushering of souls from life to afterlife. You don't realize how many scumbags there are, who frittered their lives away causing pain and suffering to innocent people around them. So instead of having Pääjuma or TGII waste their time punishing those who just don't care, why not use their essence for something more important, like...your glorification? TWO (and probably more important), is that building a world ain't cheap. No coupon-clipping action around here, which means WantedHero required cold, hard cash. Sure, you can subscribe and support the creators that way, but some folks want a more personal experience. So they approached me and devised a way to secure a win-win-win situation. We get money to keep building this world, you get a personal stamp IN this world, and the naughty souls normally going to waste get to be used for something useful. BOOyah!

LEGAL BLAH-BLAH-BLAH:

No souls were damaged in the making of this commercial, but we cannot guarantee avoiding retribution for those souls who were serious naughty in life (you know who you are). Of course, that doesn't have anything to do with THIS offer (nod-nod-wink-wink). Purchases are limited to the expedited slots 'transferred' by Mr. Death and will be metered out on a first-come-first-served basis, SO DON'T WAIT! Once those existences have been claimed, this offer will close (our checkout cart displays how many offers for each tier are still available). COPYRIGHT OWNERSHIP:
Those who DO participate in this new adventure HAVE NO LEGAL CLAIM OR OWNERSHIP OVER THE CHARACTER OR LOCATION CREATED IN ANY WAY. No ownership is offered or implied. Your purchase is to secure a creative space DEDICATED to you. The author, Jaime Buckley (awesome guy, BTW) will take your suggestions and craft something brilliant to fit into his existing world--then grant you "bragging rights" by writing a "DID YOU KNOW?" section in the article--naming you AS THE INSPIRATION for the creation. If desired, he will use your real name, a picture, and a link to a Facebook profile or other website (kid-friendly link only) so you can brag, point to, and shove in the face of people who irritate you. (You're welcome.) NOTE: You are not required to use your real name and picture of you don't want to. Just work this out with the author after you make your purchase. ALL SALES ARE FINAL. These are souls, not designer jean knock-offs or weight loss DVD's. Have some respect. There is a standard 30 day completion date on all orders, which starts from the moment you send in your questionnaire (which you will be sent to, after your purchase).

Comments

Author's Notes

Have suggestions of what you'd like to see offered as a package, ask me in the comments below! No guarantees, but I'm willing to be creative with the more naughty souls in my domain (It's nice to take someone from 'Time-Out' and put them to better use...).

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